Friday, March 20, 2009

Sometimes it doesn't make sense

We as human beings try to make sense out of everything. Even things that can't be explained. Events that don't make sense. Today I have battled with an event and events that don't make sense. Reality is so cruel to us sometimes. It doesn't mean to be. It's true, it's honest and it's in our face. We choose to deal with it and fight or walk away. I think there are definitely days that I walk away. Not because I've given up or because I don't know various events are real but because I know life keeps on moving whether we want it to or not. Another brutal blow by our foe, Reality.

I have always had a strong faith. Faith in things unseen and unexplained. But I also rely on science. I believe in science and let my faith carry me the rest of the way. The unexplained is where my friend, Faith, comes in. Some people in my life would like my faith to be as theirs but it's not and honestly it probably will never be and for me that's okay. I guess for them it's brutal because it's their foe, Reality. And maybe they believe in their friend, Faith, in order to deal with the reality. Who knows? Like I said it sometimes doesn't make sense.

Life has carried on over these last few months and I have walked and tried to flow with it. I've kept my head above the water, held high. I have been encouraged in my darkest hours of weakness by the blessings the universe has given me which are my friends, my family, hope, faith and love. Some days are harder than others and on these particular days I wrestle with the unexplained and what doesn't make sense even though I know it's a waste of my energy. Honestly, I don't know why I keep fighting this losing battle. I never win.

My longing for one more moment of time is stronger on some days than others. It's not that I don't want it everyday because I do. I suppose I push it down, keep moving and force myself to think about something else to escape the unbearable pain that comes from the thoughts and the longing of time. Moments that will never be captured whether it's with those we love that have left us or those that still remain. Missed opportunities. Opportunities all of us take for granted. So for this I say, "Carpe Diem." You never know when it will be your last.

This certainly applies to my brother. I miss him everyday. Some days it takes over and I have an unbearable pain. A hole where my heart is. Today was one of those days.

I'm sorry to those that read and follow my blog for my heart wrenching entries. I hope you understand my need for a release and it's here that my heart becomes unburdened.

On the brighter side of things....... SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

There is a promise of a new day. A brighter day. Longer days with more sun to warm our spirits. Life has so many blessings to offer and so much beauty around us. This week I have been enjoying the beautiful flowering trees, daffodils, birds in the sky and the warmth of the sun. I have been able to capture the beauty of nature with my camera and feel connected to it's magnificence. In this world we are so small, like an ant, but yet we like to think we are so big. We aren't, it's just our ego. Ego that takes over and gets in the way of everything. It can even get in the way of seeing beauty.

Sometimes it doesn't make sense and that's okay even if we don't want it to be. Life is beautiful even with the events that don't make sense. It doesn't mean that we miss those we have lost any less or that we have forgotten them. It just means that we are holding on to hope and realize it sometimes doesn't make sense.

Jon and I

Oh, How I miss you, Bro.